How to Teach Kids About Boundaries: Building Healthy Relationships with Biblical Principles

August 25, 2025

Do you know the difference between rules vs. boundaries? Do your kids? There’s overlap, because many rules are in place to help us respect others and keep them safe. However, setting boundaries is a way to limit behavior in our relationships with others. The key concept is a working relationship, where some behaviors can’t be dictated by rules, but they are overbearing or insensitive. This is an area kids need to begin understanding early on. First, they start with rules but as they grasp the relational aspect of the black and white rule, they can begin understanding the nuances of boundaries.

Understanding Boundaries from a Biblical Perspective

Setting boundaries is a way to limit behavior in our RELATIONSHIPS with others. Boundaries are needed in all relationships in life, with strangers, friends, acquaintances, and family members. The Bible has a lot to say about the way we behave in relationships. Luke 6:31 says, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” We certainly don’t want our kids to be overbearing and trample on others, nor do we want our kids to be trampled on.

Teaching children about boundaries helps them understand God’s design for healthy relationships. When we respect others’ boundaries and set appropriate ones for ourselves, we’re living out biblical principles of mutual respect, love, and consideration.

Four Biblical Tips on Teaching Kids Boundaries

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Keep the conversation short and to the point. For example, maybe you’ve noticed your kids have a habit of bossing others around and not letting others have a turn making decisions. Sit the kids down and tell them, “after you’ve chosen an activity, let everyone else have a turn to choose one, then it can be your turn again.” Rather than using a lot of “don’ts”, use positive language about what should be done.

Scripture connection: Philippians 2:3-4 – “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

2. Explain the Reason for Boundaries

Explain that boundaries have a purpose to maintain healthy relationships. Here’s an explanation for the boundary we just mentioned. You can say, “We want to be respectful of each other and consider others more than ourselves. That’s the heart attitude God tells us to have.”

Scripture connection: Matthew 7:12 – “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

3. Set Consequences for Boundary Violations

If you don’t, the work will not only be useless, but they’ll get the impression that breaking relational boundaries has no consequences. When you notice your kids practicing boundaries, encourage them with something like, “I noticed you waited patiently for your turn, great job!” It may be necessary to set consequences such as, “if you don’t respect your sister’s turn, you won’t get a turn next time.” But for the most part, explaining the relational consequences and helping the child to have empathy for others is far more important than stressing rules.

Scripture connection: Galatians 6:7-8 – “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”

4. Encourage Kids to Set Their Own Boundaries

Kids are learning to handle their emotions and develop social skills. When kids learn how to set and follow boundaries while they’re young, they develop the skills they need for boundaries in relationships as teenagers and young adults. A friend told me that her parents taught her it wasn’t rude or impolite to set boundaries because they protected her and those around her. So, as a kid, when she didn’t want a hug, she said no thank you. When she needed to decline an invitation because it would cause her to be too busy, she was taught it’s okay to say no there too. When she got older and started dating, it was so much easier to set relationship boundaries because she was already practiced. As kids begin to enter jobs and romantic relationships, the boundary skills they practiced as kids will help them tremendously.

Scripture connection: Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Teaching Honesty and Respect Through Boundaries

An important boundary to teach kids is to not interrupt others. When you are talking with someone, teach your children to let you know they need to say something by gently putting their hand on your arm. Put your hand on their hand to acknowledge them but finish what you are saying or let the other person finish before saying to them “excuse me please” and then turn to the child. This teaches the child self-control and the concept that there are boundaries with our speech. Of course, demonstration is the best teacher. If you feel free to interrupt children, they’ll get the idea that if one is more powerful in a relationship, respect isn’t necessary. Look for opportunities to place your hand on the child’s arm in a polite way so they understand how it feels, versus having your arm shaken and your name shouted.

Honesty is another important aspect of respecting boundaries. When children understand the importance of truthfulness in relationships, they develop integrity. Teaching kids to be honest about their feelings, needs, and actions helps them respect both their own boundaries and those of others.

Age-Specific Guidance for Teaching Boundaries

Preschoolers (Ages 3-5)

• Focus on simple physical boundaries like personal space
• Use clear, concrete language: “We ask before we hug”
• Teach them it’s okay to say “no” to unwanted touch
• Role-play simple scenarios with stuffed animals

Elementary Age (Ages 6-9)

• Introduce the concept of emotional boundaries
• Teach respectful communication: “I feel…” statements
• Help them recognize when they feel uncomfortable
• Discuss appropriate ways to express different emotions

Preteens (Ages 10-12)

• Discuss digital boundaries and online safety
• Talk about respecting others’ property and privacy
• Help them understand appropriate topics for different relationships
• Begin conversations about more complex relationship boundaries

Practical Exercises for Teaching Boundaries

1. The Hula Hoop Exercise: Use a hula hoop to visually demonstrate personal space
2. Red Light, Green Light Feelings: Teach kids to identify and communicate when they feel comfortable (green) or uncomfortable (red)
3. Role-Play Scenarios: Act out situations where boundaries might be crossed and practice appropriate responses
4. Boundary Worksheets: Create simple worksheets where kids can draw or write about their personal boundaries
5. Family Boundary Discussion: Set aside time to discuss family boundaries and why they matter

Conclusion

Teaching children about boundaries is an essential part of raising godly kids who understand how to build healthy relationships. By approaching boundaries from a biblical perspective, we help children develop respect for themselves and others while growing in their understanding of God’s design for relationships.

Remember that teaching boundaries is an ongoing process that requires consistency, patience, and modeling. As you guide your children in understanding and implementing boundaries, you’re equipping them with vital life skills that will serve them well in all areas of life.

By helping children understand both the what and why of boundaries, we prepare them to navigate relationships with wisdom, respect, and love—just as God intended.

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